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"To Be or Not to Be" Hamlet Parodies


"To Work or Not to Work"

1.   To work or not to work: That is the question;

Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to tolerate

The insults and complaints of impatient customers,

Or to renounce against the sea of problems that arise,

And by quitting, end all misery?

 

2.   To leave; to quit,

To work no more; and by quitting to say we end

The backaches, and the demand of unforgiving customers and supervisors

That this job entails; ‘tis an accomplishment

Devoutly to be wish’d to end.

 

3.   To leave, to quit,

To quit; perchance to never get rehired; ay, there’s the drawback;

For in quitting we may never find another job,

When we have submitted countless applications,

Attempting to find a summer job: there’s the disadvantage

That makes us think twice about leaving;

 

4.   For who would endure the stress and demands of life,

The sweeping, the cleaning, the lifting, the stocking

 

5.   Who would withstand these problems,

To run around and sweat after an exhausting day of school,

But that the dread of working eight hours,

The unappreciative managers, from whose pressure

No employee shall return, except to earn the money,

 That makes us rather bear those troubles we have

Then to eagerly apply to other businesses and franchises that we know not of?

 

6.   Our conscience does make a coward of us all, And thus the thought of resigning

Is sicklied over with the thought of not having any money to spend.

With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. 
 

Soft you now – the Boss is coming

 


"To Smile or To Frown"

1.   To smile or to frown: That is the question.

Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to frown
Or to smile and bear all troubles
And, by opposing, end them.

 

2.   Smile big, smile small;
And if by smiling we can brighten a day
That is filled with a thousand reasons to frown
That the face is heir to. ‘Tis a decision

Devoutly to be wish’d.

 

3.   Smile big, smile small;

Smile small; perchance not to smile at all. Ay, there’s the rub;

For from that small smile a great grin is born,
When we have brushed our shoulders off
Must give us pause. There’s the respect

That causes depression of so many frowns;

4.   For who would bear the pitiful looks,
The oppressor’s excuses, the proud man’s sympathy,
The pains of rejected friends, the happiness delayed,
The downer, and the isolation
The patient merit the frowner takes
When he himself chooses
To walk alone?

 

5.   Who would the friends bear,
And the families keep near,
But that the dread of another frown,
The undiscover’d from whose bourn
No friend returns, puzzles the sad,

And makes us bear the troubles we have
Then to fly alone with other frowners we know not of?

 

6.   Thus smiles make consumers of us all,
And thus natural happiness
Is sickled with the familiarity of friends,
And powers the greatest smile of all
With this occurrence their currents turn awry
And lose the name of sorrow.

 


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